Like every day, I went for a walk. It’s the best time to be with yourself, watch people and nature around; hear birds chirping and flowers falling off the trees like they are showering love on you. Sounds so nostalgic when suddenly I hear blasting horns and see cars rushing, people running around and again it pulled me back to reality, that I needed to finish my walk on time, to rush back home, to ensure if all things are done at home, and then rush to office.
Still today my mind was running haywire. I don’t know whether it was my mind or heart that was asking me to run away! When we don’t get answers we tend to run away. We try to share problems with people who are closer to us in different ways by seeking advice when we are stuck. I usually try to find answers by myself. I try to imitate the person with whom I would like to share the problem and try to think what the other person will say. Too much, isn’t it? C’mon let others do their thinking.
All right, today I was stuck with problems about a situation my friend was in and she shared with me in order to get an advice and as usual, I was trying to empathize with her. Well, my way is to empathize more than sympathize. When you put yourself in others’ shoes, things are quite different and then the solutions are also different. Anyway, let’s come to the point. My friend is quite mature. I am sharing this because there might be many, who face this kind of situations and maybe some of you can help me to give her advice.
Here is a glimpse of her and her situation. She is married, has a wonderful family, and is a working mother. She leaves her kid in a daycare center and handles her daily chores well, taking care of all needs of the family. Suddenly she asks, “Are you happy with marriage? I was taken aback by that question. My immediate response was, “Why are you asking this? Are you not happy? Why are you not happy? Can you define happiness?”
Her response was quite simple. “Happiness is a feeling you can’t define. I am just not feeling happy. Something is missing.” And here is a thought that I would like to share as it comes from my heart.
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We have been hearing this shloka since our childhood. It goes like this in Marathi,
“Jagi sarv sukhi Asa kon aahe,
Vichari mana tuchi Sodhun Paahe”
It translates to –
“Who is the happiest in the world,
Ask yourself and try to find” and I somewhere believe it. I can’t remain sad and feel low for a long time. I try to accept the situation and move on. And that’s my general advice to all those I know.
We can’t define happiness. It’s a feeling you need to be feeling. What does it mean to feel happy? For a kid, it’s as good as getting love from parents. For youths, it’s hanging out with friends and achieving their own academic goals. Well, they are their own goals, not the ones set by parents. When you run behind achieving goals others’ set for you, you are running behind making them happy and not making yourself happy.
Then how to be happy?
Just think of what makes you happy.
And go ahead! And you know someone in your close circle might not like it but, it is okay. It is perfectly fine to chase your happiness rather than others’. If you are able to or rather if you are trying to make others happy and that’s where your happiness lies, then enjoy and be happy.
So because of my friend, I got stuck up with this scenario where she is not happy with her marriage although everything is really going well. Both of them are earning, well settled, and healthy. They do lots for each other. Plan out dinners, cook for each other, know each other’s likes and dislikes. Give each other the space that is needed. And still, something is missing.
Can anyone help me understand this thing that is missing? Is it just a mood swing where you generally tend to feel low or something is really missing? Well my advice for her was, “Don’t think too much when you don’t get answers. Don’t be so hard on yourself to have everything around you, perfect. It’s okay to just accept things when you can’t change it, just move on.”
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