It is yet another morning of a hot summer day, the temperature reaching 36 degrees, Kavya just wakes up and realizes that she is late for her college. She somehow manages to get ready although she doesn’t want to go. But, she doesn’t want to stay at home as well. She pauses for a moment and then decides that she wants to be all alone, as she needs a place in this summer where she can sit alone and cry to her heart’s content.
“Kavya”, she hears her mom calling.
“Come and have breakfast. Shall I pack your lunch?”, she asks.
“No mamma”, Kavya says.
“Why baby?”, mom posters.
“Today is my friend’s birthday. She is going to give a treat”, she says trying to add a little excitement to her life.
(Lying to her mom as she doesn’t want to eat anything).
“Okay, join us for breakfast. I have prepared your favorite food!”
Kavya didn’t ask what her mom has cooked as she doesn’t want to have anything no matter if it’s her favorite. However, she doesn’t want to get into an argument with her mom so she decides to have breakfast, and vanish away from here.
She thinks, ‘Why to vanish from only here? Why not vanish away from this world?’
She gets ready and sits across the dining table, has breakfast against her wishes, just for her mother’s sake and leaves from home. She is almost quiet at the breakfast table as she is afraid that if she speaks, mom will get to know what’s going on with her and she will be in tears. However, as Mom was busy in the kitchen, she eats quietly and mom somehow doesn’t notice anything except her quietness. Kavya doesn’t say anything except a meek ‘bye and take care’, and leaves her home.
She informs her mom that she is taking the car today instead of scooty. Mom asks her why and she says that it is because of the hot weather but, actually wants to cry alone and the car is best suited for that.
Just then her mobile rings. “Hello? Kavya? Let’s go together today?”, a friend called.
“Um.. no, you carry on. I’ll be late today”, Kavya replies. She doesn’t want to show her tears to anyone, so she is just avoiding people.
She starts her car, switches on the A.C. and then the radio. A romantic song is playing. Her eyes moisten and she starts crying. She is the same person who once loved romantic songs, and now she doesn’t want to listen to even a single para. She changes the radio station, but all the same, another romantic song is being played and on 3rd station, the genre is the same. She gets fed up and switches off the radio. The speed of her car is slow.
‘What the hell am I doing with my life? I was such a strong person who was firm about my decisions but what has happened to me now? Why am I changing my mind again and again?’, she’s constantly thinking. ‘I decide something else and do something else and this is happening since a long time now. Why? Why? Why?’ And now more and more tears run down her eyes.
‘Why do I have such intense feelings for Arjun? When I have so many other options! Why am I suffering since the last 15 months? Why am I in such a relationship that goes on and off as per his convenience? Why am I crying for a guy who cares for me the least?’
In her mind, all instances flash. Starting from the first time Arjun had suddenly stopped messaging her on whatsapp, whereas they would otherwise be connected all the time. She asked him many times the reason for not communicating online but always a new excuse was on the tip of his tongue.
“I am busy!”
“I am unwell.”
“Some family issues.”
And blah blah..and he was the same lad who had proposed to her, who was chasing after her despite her saying ‘No’ many times, never giving up, and finally she had started chatting almost the whole day with him.
She remembers another instance that is still fresh in her mind. How he had ignored her. She tried many times, sent many messages but still no reply. On top of it, he was online, he was checking messages, in fact online on other social websites too but he was not replying to Kavya. She was feeling upset, and insecure but was always helpless. She defended him. Made excuses for him in her mind. She genuinely thought to give him space. That he would apologize when he would be ready to talk.
Finally, he had replied after almost 5 days, and started chatting normally, as if nothing had happened between them! By this time Kavya was angry, and finally, she broke down. She asked him why. “I was busy in the office. I had so much of work. I thought you were the one to understand me the most. Don’t misunderstand my silence”, he said, making Kavya feel guilty!
Once again Kavya melted and started talking with him. After some days, history repeated itself and this time Kavya deleted his number from her mobile, unfriended him on Facebook, and decided that whatever the situation will be, she will not talk to him. But again after some time, he cooked up a new story. A death had occurred in his house. Kavya again melted and told him, “Whatever the situation was, you could have informed!” Arjun said that he didn’t want to disturb her. At this meeting again, as usual, Arjun had hugged her and kissed her adorably. No one could have said that this is a pretense. However, still, her mind was saying NO. Mind was informing again and again that she is on a wrong track where happiness would last only for a couple of days and again the situation would be the same or worse. But deep inside her heart, she was crying, waiting to be reunited with Arjun, because no matter what, she didn’t want to lose him.
But for once, Arjun changed. Happy days came with their constant chatting, talking, roaming, coffee, lunch, movie together, and more and more love. Almost one year of relationship went by and both decided that they will go for a complete one day-date together. Arjun has said he will take leave from his office though Kavya never demanded anything. It was always Arjun who planned for a date, and this time again he had planned! Kavya was happiest as she could ever be.
The first anniversary was coming up in a week and in the week prior to that, they both had met and decided for an outing together. After that meeting, as usual, Arjun vanished and was not seen. Neither did he enquire anything like whether she reached home or not. There was no phone call from him even in the ensuing days. But now, since Kavya had become used to it, she took the initiative herself and talked with Arjun on phone. However, despite calling several times for two days continuously, as usual, at first he did not pick up the phone and even when he did, he did not say anything about the date and was evasive. Kavya, however, in her mind, was thinking, ‘He will tell me today (one day before the date) about the outing plan’. But since no message came on the day before the date as well despite waiting the whole day, Kavya was almost on the verge of crying and decided she will not ask.
Finally, The D-Day came. She waited for the whole day for a phone call or a message from him but in vain. Even after a week, there was no message from Arjun and this time it hurt her all the more because he was online continuously on almost all the social sites but he did not even have a minute to say Hi to her. Since almost a week had passed, she decided it’s high time and this time she will not listen to any excuse from Arjun. She checked whether he was online and then sent him a message :
Kavya: Thank you, Arjun
Arjun: Hey, thanks for what?
Kavya: For everything. For all the experiences you gave. This is the time to say Goodbye to you.
Arjun: M bit busy, will call you in a while.
Kavya: Pls. don’t call me, I just want to say Goodbye.
Arjun: Bye, Tc.
With the last message she received, she got all the more upset as without understanding the implication of Goodbye as Arjun just said bye.
And as she had already decided, she blocked him from all the social sites, so that she need not have to listen to any more of his excuses or his words, as she knew otherwise she would melt again and would start talking as if nothing had happened.
She went to the restroom and cried like a baby.
But then she thought, instead of crying every day, it’s better to cry for a few days and live life happily thereafter. Though she didn’t want to do what she did today, she did not have any another option to save herself from this hell-like situation.
As we all know that time and tide never stop for anyone. Days went by, almost a month went by, and she wanted to see Arjun every moment. She wanted to talk to him but, she somehow convinced and controlled herself that she will not do it this time.
However, with the passage of days, her anger faded away. And she thought; why not just check his DP? Why not unblock him from Whatsapp and other social sites and just check? If he does not respond, then she will have exhausted all her chances of seeing him and can heave a sigh of relief and then start her life afresh.
So, she unblocks him from Whatsapp, and other social sites thinking that he will never contact her again as so many days and months have passed and he himself, on his own, has never contacted her till date and going by his behaviour towards her till date, he might as well never contact her again.
Three months later –
Kavya by now was feeling better each day when suddenly one evening, she received a message on Whatsapp from an unknown cell number.
Hey, Kavya. How are you, dear?
(Though Kavya doesn’t remember Arjun’s number, still her heart was beating fast as if she knew, maybe this is Arjun)
Kavya: Who’s this?
Arjun: Don’t say this ya. Arjun here!
Kavya read the message and threw her mobile on the table as she had just decided in her mind not to reply to Arjun.
After two hours again, there was a message from Arjun.
‘Pls, say something…’
Kavya ignored once again. She just kept her mobile aside and decided she will not pick her phone, as she wanted to avoid the embarrassing situation. She engaged herself in her evening tasks and had dinner.She was doing everything normally but only on a physical level, however, her mind was continuously thinking about the messages. But she silenced her mind that in any case she will not reply to his message or pick his call.
Now, at bedtime, as usual, Kavya took her phone. At that moment she was thinking whether to check messages or not. Realizing she can’t avoid the situation because in that case, she will not be able to read her important messages as well. She clicked on the WhatsApp icon, she was thrilled on seeing so many messages. Now her gaze stuck at Arjun’s icon. One new message was there from Arjun. She, at first, just checked the message from the notification bar of the cell phone without actually tapping on the Whatsapp icon. The message was “Pls. say something. Then as she could not control herself, she opened the Whatsapp icon of Arjun. He was not online. She checked and read the other messages and replied to a few of them. And when she was done replying to the important chats, her finger again went automatically to Arjun’s chat against her wishes. She opened his chat, thought for a minute with her sad mood and replied, “U say”.
As he was not online and it was quite late at that time of the night, in 5 minutes, she kept her phone on silent mode and kept the phone on one side of her bed.
She was in a sad mood and was thinking, ‘Is this love?’ Every time, when both of them mutually decide for an outing or a dinner, Arjun suddenly goes out of contact and does not even inform the reason for not coming for the same and then after quite a long gap of time, he again contacts her and does not say anything about that missed outing or dinner and chats as if nothing has happened earlier. And then she herself takes pity on Arjun and breaks her earlier decided vows of not talking to Arjun in any case. She was thinking why does she lose control on herself? Where was her relationship going from here and why was she hell-bent on making her life hell once again? With these thoughts in mind, she just dozed off!
And now it’s almost 10 a.m., but still, there is no reply from Arjun, and once again Kavya is waiting for his message against her wishes.
So this was one day from Kavya’s love life. As an audience, we should understand that love is blind, that we cannot have a control on our own feelings and emotions. If this time Kavya would not have replied and had emphatically said ‘No’ to Arjun, her life would have been more joyful and beautiful.
Or would it?