A star athlete is on his mark, ready to dash to the finish line as soon as the gun fires, he looks around himself. Suddenly, he feels everyone is better prepared than him. He loses sight from his goal of winning as he is more worried about the other participants. Can I win? He asks himself. The gun fires. He is running with others, he finishes last in the race. His thought that, the others were more prepared than him, is the reason for his loss. This is what insecurity does to us from within.
“What ruins relationships and causes most fights is Insecurity” — Olivia Wilde
The dictionary meaning of insecurity can be summarized as, “Insecurity is a feeling of uncertainty, a lack of confidence or anxiety about you.”
Insecurity is not uncommon among us. We tend to be a little insecure about things which we have never tried before, or our body. A fat person will always feel insecure when he/she is hanging out with those who have a fit body. Similarly, an employee goes through insecurity, when he is subjected to a regular scolding by his seniors. This is just a few examples of insecurity.
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Destroyer of relations – Insecurity
Being insecure in some situation is justified, but if it becomes a habit it creates problems not just for the person but also for the people close to him. Maintaining a relationship with such a person can be quite a task. Insecurity among partners can destroy the intimacy among the persons in a relationship. Many relationships hit the rocks when one of them becomes insecure about their other half. Some of the common reason for a person to feel insecurity can be-
- Fear- Insecurity is caused by a number of factors. One of the main factors is fear. If a person has had a bad relationship, he tends to be insecure about his current relationship too. The scars from the past are hard to fend off and this results in being insecure.
- Rough Childhood- The way we relate to people, including romantic partners, begins in infancy, with the way we relate to our parents or primary caregivers. If a child has been a witness to marital discord among his parents from childhood, he would always be insecure to open up with his partner. She/he feels insecure in the relationship as he had grown up seeing his/her parents suffer in the relationship they feel they will suffer too in the relationship.
- Pessimist view- In relationships, some people become pessimistic and see things as being much worse than they really are. Many people start assuming things themselves about their partners without even thinking about reflecting their own thoughts for a second. For example- A modest looking boy will always be insecure if his partner is beautiful and vice-versa, there would always be insecurity that they would get someone better looking than them. Such behaviours may stem from past disappointments, low self-esteem or simply a negative outlook on life.
- Past unaddressed problems- Not addressing problems from earlier fights can also be a thorn that may affect a relationship. It’s better to address a problem as soon as it arises than to wait for it till it’s too late.
Also Read: Love and Relationships Go Hand-in-Hand
How to protect thyself from it
To avoid destroying your relationship, people should try to work on their personal issues. Trying to work on your insecurity can be a step towards it. Overcoming Insecurity is not easy but a little effort can be a good way to start.
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Some steps you can take to check your insecurity-
- Give space to your partner in a relationship.
- Stop comparing your relationship with your past relationship.
- Speak about your issues with your partners.
- Focus on the positives than negatives. Don’t expect your relationship to be perfect.
- Accept your flaws as well as of your partner.
Hope your insecurity will be at rest and your relationship will flourish with time.