Within a span of 18 months, I have lost 4 very important people who were an integral part of my life. Of course, I have faced it all before but 4 losses simultaneously of the people you imagined to be by your side for as long as possible are difficult to comprehend and deal with.
There is no easy way to deal with death or no rulebook that you can use as a guide. Dealing with the loss of a loved one is a long process. You will never forget the person but just learn to live peacefully despite their absence from your life because it is important to move on and live life.
However, I can share a few things that might be a little help if you are in a similar situation and confused or worried how to cope with your loss.
Each person deals with death in a different manner
When I lose a person, somehow, I am able to stay really calm and composed and stay focused on everything that needs to be taken care of or rituals to be followed. I do feel sad but due to some reason, I am able to control my emotional side and remain practical.
Now, you may be extremely emotional or cry a lot and that is absolutely okay! There is nothing wrong or no shame in showing emotions. Please realize that each person deals with death in a different way and that is normal. Some people heal soon and some take a while. It is a process. Let it take its own course and relax.
Talk about it with people you can trust
Not necessarily immediately, but whenever you are ready to speak your heart out. It can be a loved one or colleague or a friend. Whoever will hear you out patiently is the one you can discuss your feelings. Take your time and when you feel ready, talk it out.
Do not shut people out of your life
A lot of people become too guarded because they feel people may mock or take advantage of their vulnerability. Do not shut people out of your life; especially now; when you need support in order to move on and carry on with day-to-day activities in life. Keep your friends and closed one close to you and let them be there for you. Let them lend a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on.
Understand that it is absolutely okay if you feel totally lost and defeated
Death is inevitable and however long you may have been prepared for someone’s loss, it is still too much of a shock. Sudden death is more painful. Death is one of the hardest things to comprehend and thus if you feel lost or desperate, it is absolutely okay. It is not something to be conscious about or something to be hidden. 1 person may have 10 different levels of importance in the life of 10 different people. Each will deal with a loss in their way. If you take the blow the hardest or someone else does, understand that it is fine. Accept support or be the support. Asking for support is not a sign of weakness.
Do what you love
Eventually, each one of us will have to be a part of the crowd once again and life our life. We will have to resume studies, work or any or all of our day-to-day activities. Once you start indulging in your favourite activities or start interactions with other people, it will act like a cushion to shield you from the blow of depression or sadness.
If you have any other ways to cope with the loss, please do follow the same and share it with people around you. Also, please know that it is tough yet inevitable. Nobody can undo someone’s death nor can you hold yourself responsible for the same.
Death is an uncontrollable thing in everyone’s destiny. However, dealing with it is in our hands. It is a long painful process and thus I would request you all to face it in your own way but also break out of the emotional web and learn to pick up the pieces of life and continue to live and value the gift of life. Healing is important but staying in that cocoon of broken hopes and emotions will be wrong. Be strong and move on.